It’s been two weeks since I’ve blogged. My grandfather is seriously ill, I’ve been dealing with a perpetually sick kid and personal medical issues and aside from that life has been… well… a living hell.
In the midst of all of this, I’ve still been struggling with some of the things that I alluded to in earlier posts, but I haven’t really had time to deal with. But I’ve finally, I think, come to terms with it.
I’ve had an incredible revelation in the past few weeks; the consequence of having been touched in so many ways, on so many levels, by some pretty harsh lessons. I’ve learned to follow my heart, rather than my head. Somehow, I finally feel like I’m coming out the other side. At least I hope so. I guess I’ll know soon enough.
I decided to record a video blog instead of subjecting you to pages upon pages of reading, on order to TRY to explain what’s been going on. I hope this format works better for you.
I expect you will sense my frustration at times as you watch this. I’ll apologize in advance. It’s a frustration that’s been building for 20 years now… and I’ve decided not to subject myself to it anymore.
Witnesses, for me, have ALWAYS come first. Not “proof”. Not “evidence”. I began this as a witness myself… and I hope to end it as one again someday. Somewhere along the way, as a result of being held to standards that I’ve fought against for 20 years, I’d forgotten that. And I owe someone a VERY big apology.
I’m sorry, Snapperhead.
The following video blog is divided into 10-minute increments, since that’s all YouTube will let me upload at once. I hope it answers your questions… and I hope you understand.
To all of the MANY bigfoot researchers out there whom I consider friends and have for years, regardless of whether we agree or not… I love you. But please think about what you’re doing. PLEASE. We are only perpetuating a paradigm in which witnesses don’t feel safe coming forward to interact with us… and neither do these creatures. And we’re simply misleading by example and teaching newcomers to the field that this is “the way”. It’s not… or it would have worked by now.
I plan to have the book available this summer. It’s my hope that, by sharing this story, much of which is MY story as well, it will bring you the peace and understanding that it has brought me. Ironically, it is the PEACE that I’ve found that has left me so disquieted lately… because I’ve been afraid that I wouldn’t have the courage to share this with those who will benefit from it the most. The witnesses.
I’m going out into the woods to act like a witness – and hopefully BE a witness again. When I’m not in the woods, I’ll be listening to and speaking up for witnesses as an eyewitness advocate, and helping you share your stories with others who have had similar experiences. My focus, on “bigfoot research” as we know it and “bigfoot researchers” will be limited. I will provide whatever support I can to those who wish to stop researching and start witnessing. I realize that, to those who wish to remain stuck in this mindset, to that small but vocal faction for whom nothing is ever good enough, I will have nothing to offer, my role will be seen as superfluous, my data skewed and my credibility shot. That’s fine. I will happily stand over here in the “witness” arena and join countless others who are torn to shreds by that same rabid pack of “bigfoot researchers” who fancy themselves experts on a creature they’ve never SEEN, much less experienced.
Oregon Bigfoot will continue, much the same as it has. The OB community has always been made up of wonderful, amazing people who are supportive, open-minded… and who don’t require “proof”. Especially at the expense of that which we want to understand.
I will do my best to keep the blog running while I finish the book, but please understand that this project is taking precedence over all of my other work at the moment because it’s that important to me. I hope, in the end, it will mean that much to you, too.
And now I’m going to take some very good advice I received recently… and be still. And try to write, try to share this very complex, convoluted and beautiful story the way it deserves to be shared.
To all of you who have stood by me through this… Thank you. It means more than you know.
(Please note: the title above, “Professional Suicide”, is meant entirely tongue-in-cheek.)